Category Archive

In order to help students become more focused on their education, the school board has decided to do away with class time for football and basketball; all practices and conditioning will take place after school.

Is this an effective way to raise grades and increase test scores?  Is it fair to the student athletes?

State your opinion and your reasons.

In order to help students become more focused on their education, the school board has decided to do away with class time for football and basketball; all practices and conditioning will take place after school.

Is this an effective way to raise grades and increase test scores? Is it fair to the student athletes?

State your opinion and your reasons.

In order to help students become more focused on their education, the school board has decided to do away with class time for football and basketball; all practices and conditioning will take place after school.

Is this an effective way to raise grades and increase test scores? Is it fair to the student athletes?

State your opinion and your reasons.

Write a convincing argument in which you agree or disagree with this statement:

“Life was easier for teenagers 50 years ago than it is for teenagers today.”

***Since we’re starting to work on persuasive speaking, your next several topics will require you to pick a side and to defend your position. I won’t be answering the questions, because I don’t want to influence your answers.***

A litter problem has developed on your school’s campus. Students are throwing trash on the ground, leaving empty soda cans and bottles outside on benches, and dropping napkins and other trash on the cafeteria floor rather than carrying them to the trash can. Your principal has asked students to take more care, but the litter problem persists. The principal has reacted by canceling all after-school activities until the problem is taken care of. What is your position on this issue?

Remember, you not only have to tell HOW you feel about the issue, but you also have to tell WHY.

When I was 23, I tore a ligament in my foot, but the doctor also thought I might have broken a bone in my foot, so I had to wear half a plaster cast … it was gross.  I hated it, and it wasn’t straight, so my foot twisted inward a little bit, and to this day, it still twists instead of being straight, and I’m bitter about it.

Anyway, I was in the church orchestra at the time; I played the flute.  And we were playing at this rally at Broadmoor Baptist Church in Raleigh, and my sister and I were leaving early because of … something, I don’t remember what.  Of course, I was on crutches, but I also had to wear a skirt–we all had to wear white blouses and black skirts.  Well, my only black skirt had a slit up to the mid-thigh (not exactly appropriate for a church function).  DEFINITELY not appropriate for swinging my leg around on crutches (because of course the slit was on the same side as my deformed foot).  So I pinned the slit closed.  With an earring.   (MacGuyvered it.)

At the church I was going to at the time, there were side exits for the orchestra, so we could slip out quietly if necessary.  Broadmoor did not have side exits.  That meant I was going to have to leave the stage by going down the stairs in front of the altar.  Right in front of everybody.  On crutches.

So my sister and I got up to leave, and she TOTALLY TOOK OFF AND LEFT ME TO CLIMB DOWN THE STAIRS BY MYSELF.  Furthermore, I also had to carry my flute.

To recap:  I–the clumsy poop who tore a ligament and (maybe) broke her foot in a supersecret wrestling incident–was wearing a vaguely obscene skirt pinned together with the stud I’d taken out of my third ear piercing, and was carrying a musical instrument AND MYSELF down a set of carpeted stairs that had NO RAILINGS and was IN FRONT OF AN AUDIENCE.

Obviously, I fell.  I mean, you totally saw that coming, right?

Fortunately–if anything about this could be called fortunate–I fell backwards.  This gave me the opportunity to flail around with my arms in the air (my arms that were still holding the crutches, giving me the appearance of an animatronic pterodactyl dying over Tokyo).  Also, the earring popped off the slit in my skirt and torpedoed some guy in the front row; I hope his eye’s okay now.  Some trombone player caught me before I hit the floor and sort of carried me down the stairs by my armpits; I probably looked like a Vegas showgirl, what with my leg lifted at an awkward angle and my thigh hanging out of my skirt and my arms–and crutches–held at a 90 degree angle.

The entire audience had gasped when I first tumbled, and somewhere some videographer went, “YESSS!” because you know that would bank someone $25,000 on America’s Funniest Whatever.  I had third degree burns on my face, on account of how red I was, and my sister missed the whole thing because she was already in the car and halfway home, that turd.

Oh, and … uh … I just made that up.  That didn’t really happen.  I mean, it sounds like it could have, but … you know … I just have … a really good imagination.  Yeah.

What makes you laugh?

I’ll just make a list:

-quick, witty comebacks
-that time the cat got stuck in the pantry
-P.G. Wodehouse
-my sister’s Carlton dance
-that time my family got lost in Memphis and my dad ripped the map
-The Soup
-Shaun of the Dead
-this picture of my niece

-The Office
-how every time I go to the mall I miss my exit and drive halfway to Nashville
-loud burps
-when people run into things, like when I walked into a bench at Dollywood
-my math skillz
-this song

-and this one
-Nicky’s impression of the Beastie Boys
-”That’s UNBELIEVABLE!!!!”

This question was inspired by a conversation with Nicky M.

How long should you know someone before you marry him/her?

My parents met and married within two months of meeting each other. That is, MET AND MARRIED, not met and got engaged, or met and started dating; they met, and then two months later they were in the chapel getting hitched. They will celebrate their thirty-fourth anniversary this year.

Look how young they are! My dad is 22 and my mom is 21.
p.s. She was not pregnant.

Most relationship experts say you should know someone for four seasons before you get married; I guess some people act differently in the summer than they do in the winter. Or maybe you’ll find out that your beloved is a Christmas Scrooge, or s/he lights firecrackers in the toilet on the Fourth of July. Perhaps your sugarplum celebrates the start of autumn by skinning live cats or eating cave spiders. These things would be good to know BEFORE you get married.

When I think about my friends who have gotten married, are getting married, or are working on their second (or third!) marriages, I think, “Maybe you should have waited.”

But that might be hypocritical of me since, if I ever meet Bill S. Preston, Esquire, you would be seeing this in a hot second.

In keeping with the last question and our chapter about interviews, where do you see yourself in ten years?

Do you think you’ll attend your high school reunion? Maybe you think it will be fun to see how everyone’s doing; maybe you can’t stand the people at your high school and can’t wait to see the last of them; maybe you don’t know what you’ll feel in ten years. What do you think?

I did NOT attend my ten year reunion, and I won’t be going to any of the ones in the future, either. The simple reason is that I’ve grown beyond high school. Contrary to popular belief, high school was not “the time of my life.” I had fun–lots of fun–but then I grew up.

It sounds like I’m bitter about my high school days, but I’m not. I’m pretty comfortable with my high school self. Frankly, though, I’m a different person now. I have different opinions, and different goals, and different plans for my life. (I am still sarcastic, though now I actually say the things I’m thinking … well, sometimes).

For me, my high school years are in the past. Suppose I’d gotten married; maybe the years I was married were awesome, and then I got divorced. Even if I remembered my marriage fondly, I probably wouldn’t celebrate my 25th anniversary. So it is with my tenure as a high school student: it was great when I was sixteen, but I’m twice that old now, and I have other stuff to think about.

Don’t be jealous of my awesome high-waisted rolled cut-offs and my handpainted shirt. You’ll have to try hard, I know.
p.s. Don’t play; that perm is amazing.

What’s the worst movie you’ve seen recently? What was so bad about it?

I’ve been very fortunate lately; I haven’t seen any bad movies. Of course, I also go to see movies by myself, so there’s nobody to influence my choices. My family has notoriously bad taste in movies (they are not as cultured as I am).

Here are some of the movies my family has forced me to watch:

Jason X -
I hate scary movies, but this one was scary only in the sense that someone actually paid money to put it on the screen. It insulted my intelligence; seriously, I am dumber as a result of having watched that movie. Reason: robotic ants with healing powers. As a fan of musical theater, I am good at suspending my disbelief, but COME ON.

Dumb and Dumber -
It’s in the title, isn’t it? Before we went to this movie, my dad read Roger Ebert’s review, in which D&D received zero stars. Throughout the showing of the film, he kept leaning over and saying, “ZERO STARS.” My least favorite moment (it was hard to choose just one) is when Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels get to Colorado (?) and they have frozen snot on their faces. That is wrong on so many levels.

The Scarlet Letter -
I am a fan of the book, which is why I hate this movie so much. You would think that filmmakers would be more respectful of an American classic, but … no. First, Demi Moore is no Hester Prynne. Second, [SPOILER!] the book does not end happily, but the movie does. Third, there’s this huge fight with the Indians that came out of nowhere–NOWHERE! I just get mad thinking about it.

See Spot Run -

Reason one: David Arquette
Reason two: Five minutes of falling into dog poo.
Reason three: “It was recommended to me by one of my [fifth grade] students,” my dad said.

If you and your friends could choose one new class to add to the curriculum, what would it be? Think of what would most help you in your daily life or what would prepare you for life after graduation. What kind of assignments would be required, and how would the class benefit students?

OBVIOUS!

I would add a Shakespeare class. All Shakespeare, all the time.

It might not offer applicable lessons that directly relate to life after graduation, but Shakespeare’s use of language and understanding of the human experience can only enhance a well-rounded education.

Indirectly, Shakespeare’s plays (and sonnets) can affect how a person thinks; for example, I know I would never kill myself if my boyfriend does, because I saw that happen in Romeo and Juliet, and I thought it was a dumb decision. I read how Richard III’s avarice led to his downfall, and how an unhealthy obsession with my mother’s love life could cause me to have visions and alienate–and eventually kill–everybody who loves me, just like Hamlet did. Troilus and Cressida showed me what kind of mother NOT to be, and Twelfth Night gave me awesome ideas for how to pull pranks on a pompous servant.

And that is just scratching the surface! Think how much more I could teach/learn if I read Shakespeare for a whole year! The school would not be big enough for my knowledge!

You have just been elected president of the United States of America. You must address foreign policy, terrorism, healthcare, the military, the economy, education, the environment, and much more. What are the first three things you will do? Which issues are dearest to your heart? Do you think those issues overlap with the issues that are most important to the American public?

Since it’s election season, I’ve actually been thinking a lot about what I would do as President of the U.S. Assuming that my Congress agrees with every single thing I say, here are some things I’d like to do:

1. Overhaul the Department of Education.

Obviously, this is an issue that is very close to me. And, in my opinion, there is not a person in the current administration who knows what goes on in schools; frankly, I doubt that any of the people in the Dept. of Ed. have ever taught in a school, and yet they are making rules that affect me on a daily basis. Dumb rules, too.

I’d toss everybody out and then staff it with competent teachers who know what they’re doing, and I’d make it a rule that every staff member (including the Secretary of the Department) has to teach for a year, every three years. That way they would think twice before they started making up asinine laws to govern the public school system.

2. I’d legalize those illegal immigrants. Then I’d tax the bejeezus out of them. I don’t mind that people want to come to our country. I mind that my tax dollars are paying for their educations, child welfare, and medical care when they aren’t paying for a darn thing. So I would say to them, “Why, yes, you CAN be a citizen in this country, and you get all the benefits that come along with that. P.S. SAY HELLO TO FICA.”

3. Somehow, some way, we have got to settle the situation in Iraq. I go back and forth on this. On the days when it’s relatively quiet, I think, “Let’s just move our troops out of there and leave them alone.” Then on the days when there are massive car bombings and some idiot claiming responsibility for the deaths of the American heathens, I think, “Give me a couple of nuclear bombs, and I will show you what it is to suffer.”

I don’t think the situation will ever be resolved, and I’m not sure it’s worth it to keep our troops in constant danger when there’s no end in sight.

Also, this is something that becomes more personal to me each year, because I see my students enlisting in the military, and I never EVER want to see their names on the casualty list. I dread that.

Those are my three most important issues, although of course I would have to spend a massive amount of time on the Make My Birthday a National Holiday Bill.

Suppose you win $10 million in the lottery, but there’s a catch: you have to donate half of the money to charity. What charity would you choose? What would you do with the money you got to keep?

My charity would be the local humane society. I love animals, but I can’t make myself go to the humane society, because I know I would want to adopt all the animals that are there. I think it’s important to support animal charities; so many homeless animals are euthanized simply because local shelters don’t have the funds to keep them. I can’t think about it or I’ll get all upset.

That’s my cat Lyndie (above) who might have had to have gone to a shelter if I hadn’t adopted her. You can see that she’s very pleased.

I’m sure the money I kept would be gone in short order, as I would pack my bags and move to London. It’s my favorite city in the world, but it’s also a really expensive place to live. Pretty soon I would have a fake British accent (like Madonna) and I’d drink tea in the afternoons and ride lifts instead of elevators and jumpers instead of sweaters and when I call my family on the phone I’d say, “Cheers!” and when some little whippersnapper mugs me, I’ll be all: “Oi!”

sigh That’s a good story.

If you could meet anyone, alive or dead, who would it be? Consider scientists, entertainers, world leaders, artists, writers, people in your family, and so on. Make a list of questions you’d like to ask this person.

Since I have a degree in English, and I’m an English teacher, and I have levels of nerdoriety that we have not even TALKED about yet, I choose William Shakespeare.

You guys, I LOVE WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE SO MUCH. He is like … well, if he weren’t married, and probably sexist, and potentially racist, and completely indifferent to proper hygiene, and you know: DEAD, he would totally be my boyfriend.

THAT IS SO WEIRD. Yeah, I know. I own it.

Questions I would ask William Shakespeare:

1. Sooo … you wanna get a drink or something?

1. Some people say you’re one of the greatest writers who ever lived. How do you feel about that?
2. How did you know that you wanted to be a writer?
3. You invented a lot of new words and phrases. How did you come up with those?
4. People all over the world know your plays. Did you ever think, when you were writing them, that they would still be read four hundred years later?
5. What do you think you would write about if you were alive in the 21st century?
6. How long did it take you to write a play?
7. Were you ever disappointed when you saw your plays onstage? Did you think the action matched up to what you’d imagined when you were writing?
8. You were the main playwright for your theater, but you were also an actor. Did you ever write any parts specifically for yourself and, if so, what were they?
9. Did you ever change your plays based on an audience’s reaction? For example, did you add more fight scenes if they crowd got bored or change an ending that an audience didn’t like?
10. There’s a lot we don’t know about you. I’m not saying you have to divulge any deep, dark secrets, but what would you like modern audiences to know about you?

Comments are closed Friday, January 11.

Most people have vivid memories of certain events from childhood. What sticks in your mind? Pick one particularly strong memory and describe it in detail.

When I was about four years old, my family traveled from New Orleans to Byhalia, Mississippi, to visit my grandparents. At the time, they lived on a farm.

A four-year-old who lives in New Orleans doesn’t have a lot of opportunities to see farm animals up close; in fact, I didn’t see many animals of any kind up close. So walking through the pastures and staring at the cows and goats was kind of a big deal.

One morning, my mom, my sister, and I were eating breakfast outside, when a haughty rooster came strutting through the pasture gate. Of course I’d never seen a chicken with its head still attached, so this was quite a treat. We clucked at it and threw cereal for it to peck at and, in general, acted towards it the same way we would have acted with a dog.

Roosters are not dogs.

This particular rooster must not have taken kindly to our noises and cereal offerings; he was downright mad about them, in fact. How do I know? Because he strutted right up to my chair and started pecking my bare foot!

I don’t know if you’ve ever had a beak pounding on your sole, but I can tell you from experience that it hurts. It hurts a LOT.

I screamed and pulled my feet up on the chair, the same way some people do when they see a mouse in the kitchen, and I refused to climb down until the rooster, satisfied that his work was done, swaggered back into the pasture and through the field.

And that is why, until I was ten years old, I was afraid of chickens.

Write your answer in the comments before Wednesday, January 9.

Many names have special meaning or history. For example, the name Vincent means “conqueror.” (… fitting, no?)

Write about your own name. Who named you? What does your name mean? Does it have a special ethnic or religious significance? Are you named after someone in your family? If you could change your name, would you?

Not sure what your name means? Check out these sites:

Behind the Name
Baby Name World
BabyNames.com
Name Central

Write your answer in the comments; make sure you use proper spelling, grammar, and punctuation.

Here’s an example of a good entry:

My name, April, means “opening,” in the sense that flowers open their blooms in the spring. I wasn’t named after anyone, and my mom told me that my Indian name translates roughly to Spring Flower. I prefer that meaning, frankly.
My parents chose my name for me, and I couldn’t change it for that reason. Plus, I’m so used to it by now that I’d never remember to answer to a new name. The only time I consider changing my name is when dumb people make their dumb jokes: “Oh, April? I thought it was January! HAHAHAHAHAHA!”
1. Like I’ve never heard THAT before.
2. It’s not funny and never has been.
3. Leave me alone.
I like my name. It’s unusual enough that there aren’t twenty people in the room with my name, but it’s not so uncommon that no one can pronounce it. In fact, I think an excellent way to honor a favorite teacher would be to name a kid April. (I’m just saying is all.)

Here is a bad example:

My name sux and yous does 2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11!!!!!!!!!1

Comments are open until Monday, January 7.